Friday, 27 September 2013

Being a mom

Being a mom is one of the most challenging jobs in the world. And while women who take on paying work besides parenthood have their hands full, they stand for the majority of mothers. “Women at home with their children represent only a small percentage of families in the U.S.,” says Dr. Beth Anne Shelton, professor of sociology at University of Texas at Arlington. Yet working moms-just like their stay-at-home counterparts-often faces cruel decisions from those who question their parenting condition.
Here are nine remarks working mothers hate to hear:
  1. Do you really have to work?
  2. Aren't you concerned about not being there for your kids?
  3. Did you hear about that study on children of working moms?
  4. It must be nice to get a break from the kids.
  5. You're so lucky to work from home. But why do you need a nanny?
  6. "Why have kids if someone else is going to take care of them?"
  7. You have another school event? Didn't you just leave early last week?
  8. "I'd miss my kids too much if I worked."
  9. Women should be at home with their children.

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

9 Things Never to Say to Working Moms

Being a mom is one of the most demanding jobs in the world. And while women who take on paying work in addition to parenthood have their hands full, they represent the majority of mothers. "Women at home with their children represent only a small percentage of families in the U.S.," says Dr. Beth Anne Shelton, professor of sociology at University of Texas at Arlington. Yet working moms-just like their stay-at-home counterparts-often face harsh judgments from those who question their parenting situation. Here are nine remarks working mothers hate to hear and what to do if someone says one to you. Photo by Thinkstock

1. Do you really have to work?
 "Most women (and men) work because they need the earnings and/or health benefits," says Dr. Shelton. But a family's financial situation isn't anyone else's business. And even if someone's sure a family can survive on one parent's paychecks alone, they might use the second income for "luxuries" like saving for their children's future college education, explains Dr. Shelton.

Still, Terri Bly, a small business owner and mom from St. Paul, MN, doesn't think mothers should feel bad about working when money isn't a motivator. "I love my children more than my job, but I need the combination of intellectual stimulation, pursuing my own goals and raising two amazing little girls," she says. "My brain lights up when I have a balance of career and home." Feel free to share that rationale with someone who asks if you have to work-or simply say you're not comfortable discussing your family's finances. 

2. Aren't you concerned about not being there for your kids?
"Even when a mom's at work, the ultimate responsibility for her children and their care lies with her," says Michelle LaRowe, author of Working Mom's 411: How to Manage Kids, Career and Home. Besides, children can benefit from being around other caregivers, says Sara Sutton Fell, founder and CEO of FlexJobs, a service that helps people find flexible and telecommuting career opportunities. Fell, a working mom, herself, suggests mothers respond to that guilt-inducing question with: "My children are with people who are adding value to their lives and supporting my ideas of how they should be raised."

Or, if you're like JJ DiGeronimo of Cleveland, OH, explain that you make up for hours apart from your kids with lots of quality time together. "I give my children the one-on-one time they demand when I'm home. I'm not sure I'd be playing on the floor as much if I was there all the time," she says.

3. Did you hear about that study on children of working moms?
Everyone seems to have a know-it-all friend or relative who likes to mention "research" which "proves" that some parenting choices doom children. But only a mom knows what's best for her family, says Fell. Plus, "studies flip flop," she adds. In other words, best parenting practices are always changing. So instead of second-guessing yourself, avoid the Debbie Downers as best you can. And when people share the latest findings with you, try ending the conversation with "thanks for sharing" or Fell's go-to response: "I've read that there are lots of benefits for children of working moms." 

4. It must be nice to get a break from the kids.
"Working is a break in that a mom is getting the chance to focus on her professional self," says Fell. But, she points out, not everyone is blessed with a job she enjoys; sometimes it's just a paycheck. This remark hits a nerve because working moms rarely have a real reprieve. After all, a mom's still a caring, concerned mom when she's at work. If someone slings that statement your way, acknowledge that all moms need a break once in a while. It could segue into suggesting a future girls' night out!

5. You're so lucky to work from home. But why do you need a nanny?
This implies that work-from-home moms get to play with their kids and work simultaneously-as if that's actually possible! Dawn Allcot of West Babylon, NY, a freelance writer, admits she can't be productive without help. "I need to pay someone to watch my toddlers so I can work," she says. And that's actually the perfect reply for anyone who's made to feel that her home-based gig is a breeze. In fact, Allcot notes, many employers who allow telecommuting ask for proof of childcare if kids are home. Although moms working from home do some housework/childcare during business hours, hired help goes a long way. "If a parent can concentrate on work by having a nanny, the work is less likely to invade the non-work hours," says Dr. Shelton. 

6. "Why have kids if someone else is going to take care of them?"
Ouch! This hints that you entered into parenthood without thinking it through. A family friend recently chastised Laura Perez of Newark, NJ, for considering having a second child when she was already a working mom of one. "It's horrible to think that you're not caring for your child properly. But just because you're a working mom doesn't mean you care for your child any less. You just need to find the proper balance," she says. And that balance is the often the result of much planning and prioritizing, says Fell. "No matter our motivations, the decision to be a working mom (or not) is a difficult and personal one that comes with careful consideration." Don't hesitate to point that out should you feel like you're being criticized.

7. You have another school event? Didn't you just leave early last week?
Rosemarie Poska, a nurse manager and mom of three from Staten Island, NY, often feels the tug of war between her work schedule and busy calendar of family activities, so she doesn't enjoy when coworkers question her work ethic. "Some people say, 'you work banker's hours,' after I put in two hours before they got to the office, didn't take a lunch break and hardly went to the bathroom!" she says. Dr. Shelton doesn't think anyone should resent parents who attend the occasional school event during the day. "We should recognize that everyone benefits from children who are well cared for," she says.

If a nosy coworker passes a comment like this, Fell recommends keeping your response polite and professional without apologizing. Try: "It's great the company allows me to adjust my schedule to get my work done and make my family a priority."

8. "I'd miss my kids too much if I worked."
Though the sentiment might have nothing to do with the working mother who hears it, it can be perceived to mean that working moms must be so cold-hearted to leave their kids every day, says LaRowe. The truth: "Missing your kids whenever you're away from them is 'mommyversal,'" she says. This is a good opportunity to share how adorable it is when your little ones rush to the door to greet you, make pictures for your office or call you at work to tell you about their days.

9. Women should be at home with their children.
Can you say old school? "This indicates that mothers are the only ones who can raise their children," says Fell, adding that today's family structures aren't like the ones of yesteryear: Grandparents in the same household, single parents and stay-at-home dads are quite common. "If you hear this, take a deep breath and remember that someone who tells you this comes from a different perspective."

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Working parent

A working parent is a father or a mother who engages in a work life, aside from their duties as a childcare provider. There are many structures within families including, but not limited to, single, working mothers or single, working fathers. There are also married parents who are dual-earners, in which both parents provide income. Within these family structures, there is much concern about gender inequalities. Within the institution of gender, there are expected gender roles that society pins on both mothers and fathers that reflect in the home and at work.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

That's a shocker!!

That's a shocker!!

Lies, lies and damn lies!! I am 100% liberal, no matter what any damn quiz says!!



Your Political Profile:


Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Friday, 13 July 2007

Answers

Okay, not too many questions, but quite a few comments. I guess I'll have to write my own damn blog, huh ;-)? But I did manage to squeeze one post out of this writer's block. So, you all saved Sally from having to learn to type just yet.

Angry ballerina asked: Can I have a pony?

My answer: Sure. Ask BF#1 or BF#2 to get you one. If you were asking me to get you one, then I have one response: Do I look like your sugar daddy?

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein asked: If you could pick one movie and one book that you love that everyone else should see and/or read, what would they be?

I think a book that EVERY American should read is A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn. It is American history from the viewpoint of the Native Americans, the slaves, the poor, etc. Read it and you'll never celebrate another "Columbus Day" again.

As for movies, there are two must sees: Why We Fight and The Corporation. If you think that "we the people" are really in control of much of anything, then these movies will open your eyes. It's all about money, honey.

You didn't say they had to be happy did ya, Dr. Monkerstein? I could list dozens of books, really, and include some awesome fiction. Another post for another day.

The Undeniable Liberal wants to know: What do you do to relax/have fun?

Have fun? What's that? Actually, I can tell you what I would like to do to relax, but it's not exactly legal in this country. No admission of ever having done that though. None whatsoever.

I also exercise and scrapbook. Both keep me sane.

And Nancy reminded me to do her last tag. So here it goes:

1. Should guys wear pink?
*
Absolutely. Some guys look smokin' hot in pink. And nothing says "I'm secure in my masculinity" more than pink. Especially pink underwear.
*
2. Do you kiss with your eyes opened or closed? *
*
Open. Well, when I'm sober ;-).
*
3. What is the first "non-physical" feature you tend to notice about a person you find attractive?
*
Intelligence and wit.
*
4. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
*
Sure.
*
5. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex?
*
Have amazing sex.
*
6. What’s in your wallet?
*
Money, various "cards" - credit, ID, etc., coupons, punch cards, pictures, receipts,.....maybe it'd be easier to list what's NOT in my wallet ;-).
*
7. What’s under your bed?
*
All kinds of crap in plastic, under bed bins - e.g., a box with "emergency gifts" for birthday parties, off-season workout clothes and PJs...prolly a few dust bunnies. I have very little storage space in my house, so under the bed is used space!
*
8. What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet?
*
Clothes.
*
9. What’s in your underwear drawer?
*
Underwear.
*
10. What’s in the trunk of your car?
*
Workout bag, workout mat, Dora the Explorer umbrellas, beach towel, spare tire....
*
11. What color is the underwear you’re wearing at this moment?
*
Pink (b/c I'm secure in my masculinity).
*
12. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it?
*
No, not really. I have been known to hide "the good candy" though.
*
13. Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes, what?
*
I was raised Catholic. I always feel guilty about something even though I am so very NOT Catholic any more. Probably right now, at this moment, not having more patience with my 3-year-old at bed time tonight.
*
14. What is your last thought before you fall asleep?
*
Are all the doors locked?
*
15. How long have those leftovers been in your fridge?
*
Almost a week. It may be time to admit no one wants them.
*
16. Do you sleep with anything?
*
Yes. Hubby & several pillows. Sometimes a couple of kids too.
*
17. Who is the last person you had lustful thoughts about that didn’t know?
*
That didn't know? Probably this guy. Unless he got that e-mail...... ;-).
*
18. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
*
With teenaged daughters. OH SHIT!!
*
19. What do you most want to be remembered for?
*
Raising a couple of outstanding, strong, caring, well-adjusted women. Being a good teacher and mentor to the students I work closely with, helping them to reach their goals in a positive and productive way. Being a mostly active (and hopefully proactive) person.
*
20. What do you think is the most attractive part of a man's body?
*
Eyes.
*